Marriage Traditions Among the Circassians: Cultural Norms and Practices, by Naima Neflyasheva

This article by Naima Neflyasheva, PhD, a Senior Research Fellow at the Institute of Oriental Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences, explores traditional marriage customs among the Adyghe (Circassian) people. Originally published in Russian on the Sovetskaya Adygeya website, it examines the cultural norms, restrictions, and social values that have shaped Adyghe approaches to marriage for centuries. This is the third article by Dr. Neflyasheva that we have made available in English. Previously, we published The Adyghe (Circassian) Way of Raising Children and Being a Man in the Circassian Way. This translation continues our effort to bring Neflyasheva's rich ethnographic and cultural insights to a wider audience, illuminating the unique heritage of the Adyghe (Circassian) people.

Marriage Choices: Restrictions and Limitations

Autumn in the auls (villages) is the season of weddings. Not a week went by without the sound of the accordion and clappers accompanying finely dressed horsemen in Circassian coats as they led the wedding procession through the village, someone’s bride was being brought to her new home. Kadyr’s family often opened the doors of their house to neighbours whose son was getting married. This was the custom, good neighbours became like close relatives, sharing in each other’s happiness. Kadyr loved autumn; it seemed as if the entire aul dressed up for the weddings. After the heat of summer came mild, warm days; spicy aromas filled the air, and, along with nature, the bustling activity of daily life settled into a peaceful calm.

In the North Caucasus, family and marriage have always been seen as both a responsibility and a duty. From a young age, almost as soon as adolescence began, young people were encouraged to think about starting a family. Choosing a spouse was one of the most important decisions in life. Among the Adyghe (Circassians), this decision traditionally involved not just the individuals themselves but also their parents and senior relatives. While a son might hint at his preference to his mother or a trusted friend, it was considered improper for a daughter to speak openly about her wishes. Instead, she would rely on hints and indirect suggestions.

A son’s marriage or a daughter’s wedding was regarded as an event of enormous importance. The Adyghe placed great value not only on the individual qualities of the prospective bride or groom but also on the reputation and character of their family. “When choosing a good bride, seek good in-laws as well,” the Adyghe say. As it was 150 years ago, the family’s reputation continues to carry significant weight.

"Before a young man could show interest in a girl he liked, and before she could decide whether to accept or decline his advances, they both had to navigate the longstanding marital rules and restrictions shaped by centuries of cultural traditions."

Azamat from Kabardino-Balkaria explained that it wasn’t just the reputation of the immediate family that mattered, but also that of the broader clan. “In our village, it’s common to hear about the behavioural traits associated with different family names,” he said. Maria, a Circassian living in Moscow, added, “Reputation is everything. When someone says that a young man comes from a respectable, well-mannered family, it’s a valuable recommendation that carries a lot of weight.”

Adyghe Nysashe: Traditional Adyghe Wedding (in the Adyghe language) A Project by the late Aslan Tsipinov

Strict Rules of Exogamy

Before a young man could show interest in a girl, and before she could decide whether to accept or reject his advances, both had to navigate strict cultural rules and restrictions around marriage. These norms, developed over centuries, shaped their choices. While many of these restrictions have faded with time, some remain in practice even today.

Most Caucasian peoples, with some exceptions among Dagestani groups, followed strict exogamy. Among the Adyghe (Circassians), for instance, marriages were forbidden between relatives up to the seventh, and in some cases even the ninth, generation. It was also prohibited to marry someone connected through milk kinship, adoption, or other forms of symbolic or artificial kinship, such as fosterage or blood brotherhood. Marriages between people with the same family name were rare and generally discouraged.

The introduction of Sharia law in the Caucasus relaxed these rules, forbidding only marriages between close blood relatives. However, customary law retained its hold. Violations of exogamy carried serious consequences. Among the Karachay (a North Caucasian-Turkic ethnic group —Ed.), for example, offenders faced hefty fines, public shaming, or being paraded on a donkey through the village.

Prenatal and Cradle Betrothals

In the past, personal freedom in marriage was also limited by traditions such as prenatal or cradle betrothals. Ethnographer M[ukhtar] A. Meretukov described cases where, if a son was born to one family and a daughter to another, the fathers might agree to marry the children once they reached the appropriate age. These arrangements were often made to strengthen ties between families.

To formalise the agreement, the boy’s family would visit the girl’s home, bringing gifts and pledging to honour the arrangement. Breaking this pledge carried the risk of retaliation. Every year, the boy’s family would visit the girl, present her with gifts, and return her to her parents until she came of age. When the children grew older, the girl would avoid visiting her future in-laws out of modesty, adhering to traditional customs.

When the time came, the children would marry according to the agreement. Even if one of them objected, citing a lack of feelings for the other, parents would often insist on honouring the original arrangement.

The Principle of Seniority

Adyghe culture adhered to the principle of seniority in marriage. Younger siblings were generally not allowed to marry before their elder siblings unless they received explicit permission. Younger sisters, in particular, were expected to remain in their elder sister’s shadow until the latter was married. While younger sisters could attend social events, they were expected to behave modestly, refrain from engaging with suitors, and often avoided wearing makeup until their elder sister was married.

Observing Mourning Periods

Marriage was also forbidden during periods of mourning for close relatives, such as parents, grandparents, or siblings. Weddings could only proceed after the traditional one-year mourning period had passed. If a close relative of the bride or groom fell gravely ill shortly before a wedding, family elders might decide to hasten the ceremony, even if preparations were incomplete.

Levirate and Sororate Marriages

Levirate marriages, where a widow married her deceased husband’s brother, were once a common practice aimed at ensuring the welfare of the widow and her children. Though not mandatory, these unions were often encouraged to preserve family unity and stability.

Zara T., who is 70 years old, recalled her grandmother’s defiance of such an arrangement. After her husband’s death, she was approached with a proposal to marry his younger brother. Outraged, she refused, saying, “I just lost the most intelligent man I have ever known, and you think I will marry this fool?”

Sororate marriages, where a man married his deceased wife’s sister, were also practiced, particularly among the Ossetians, Karachay, and Nogais. Both levirate and sororate marriages were rooted in a sense of duty to family and tradition.

Marriageable Age

In the early 20th century, Adyghe girls were considered marriageable at 16, while boys reached marriageable age at 18. These ages reflected not just physical maturity but also cultural readiness to manage a household. Men often married later, between the ages of 20 and 40, due to the need to gather resources for the bride price.

Marriageable age varied by social class. Young men from elite families married earlier, between 20 and 25, while peasants typically waited until 35 or 40, as they needed time to establish financial stability. For girls, marriage before the age of 18 was rare, as it was believed they needed time to develop the skills required to run a household.